Informercy

I've picked up an upper-respiratory tract infection. It might actually by now also be a lower respiratory tract infection, but I don't have a stethoscope so I can't say. That and I'd have no idea what I'd be listening for if I had a stethoscope, given that my greatest familiarity with stethoscope use was via the early 1980s Fisher Price model.

I can't sleep because I'm drowning in my own pestilence, and breathing and swallowing hurts and painkillers don't touch it. And I found out that any time you are emitting 'autumnal' slime you're not supposed to use cough sweets because it traps it inside your innards like a snot genie in a bottle.

I know it's just temporary and I ought not to be throwing myself a pity party, but I'm just so sleep deprived. How do people with babies function? How do people with chronic pain function? I'm so emotionally wobbly I cried watching a clearly ridiculous and manipulative Katy Perry video.

I have found the only way to catch 45minutes of uninterrupted sleep is to fashion my sofa into a slope and lie there at 45 degrees watching informercials with the sound down low.

Some infomercials are better for sending you sleep than others. I have begun to wonder whether I might wake up from my sleep suddenly feeling the need to buy any of the crap they are selling, but so far so good.