I was feeling sad this weekend, but it turns out that something weirdly exciting happens when the ties to the past are lost.
Previously I had more anchors, but felt more adrift. You is only partly who you are as an individual, and a whole lotta other whom other people see you as and whom you become in the spaces between yourself and and others.
I feel strangely like myself again, and strangely like there's hope for me to really be the person I hope can be. Starting now. Or tomorrow.
Warning - contains flashing lights and Bjork noises.
2 comments:
I think there's a certain freedom in the "nothing left to go wrong" vibe.
Especially where people are concerned - once everybody who once claimed to hold you dear has jettisoned you, who the fuck is going to tell you that you can't be the person you want to be?
For different reasons, I was 'freed' from most of my friends a while back. I got the dog, so that worked out OK. And I got the opportunity to be a new me.
Good luck :)
My grandpa, who was a great athlete, died, and I suddenly felt free to be skinny. I think he always thought I was fat. I miss him terribly, but I don't miss worrying that he'd suggest I use a diet strategy. I never realized how much that bothered me until I was freed of it!
So, you're right, you know, about how it can be liberating to be rid of people, even if you liked them a lot. You go, girl! as my not-gay-but-always-seems-a-little-gay-guy-friend-says...
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